I applied for a position I have been too scared to go after for a while now.
If it wasn’t for my friends, the internet groups I’m part of, and the need to live freely, I would have never applied. I missed the deadline last time, and honestly, I was eating away at myself. Then last minute, I decided what I am afraid of? I RARELY get nervous, embarrassed, awkward, or scared.
Then I realized I was scared of the rejection. This is the first real job in the entertainment industry I’ve applied for. When researching it, I found the silliest reasons to back out. I was too old, not experienced enough, too experienced, my degrees weren’t in the film although I studied film, I was too busy, not busy enough, and most importantly, I was afraid.
2020 made fear live permanently in my heart for months, and it seeped into the rest of me. Since November, however, I did the work to go back to the old me. The funny, loud, quiet, dancing whenever possible, singing whenever possible, (and before you ask… NO I cannot sing or dance lol), baking all the time me.
I also decided to be a new me. A me who doesn’t have survivor’s remorse, the me who knows it’s okay to have done everything right and still get rejected. This isn’t the first dream job I’ve been rejected from and might not be the last. I used to welcome rejection and took it as a learning lesson. I am back. I have learned, and I have accomplished.
Drinks and Desserts 